Pastors are Liars

When planting a church it doesn’t take long to realize that you don’t exactly know how to do everything. Over the past year and a half I come come to realization about something that was hidden from most church goers—pastors are excellent liars. Now, when I say that a pastor is a liar, it is 1) because I mean it and 2) unintentional, perhaps on their part. Let me explain.

When you plant a church you have to be proficient in so many areas: Bible study, computer programming, counseling, writing, leadership development, church history, conflict resolution, staff development, human resources and finance to name a few. I have found out quickly that I am not as good as I would like to be in these areas, and know no one who is. However, most churches expect their pastors be good, if not great, in all these areas. It is humbling and frustrating all at the same time. I can see how most vocational church leaders blow up in some manner.

So how does a pastor “slough” their way out of this? They try to appear like they do have a handle on all these areas. Which is deceptive, hence, makes them liars. I am in no means above this, but I am trying a new approach.

When asked to do something that is outside my experience or expertise I have been trying to say, “I am not going to lie to you, I am not very good at this,” or “This may be outside of my leadership level.” This gets some weird looks. And sometimes, in the back of my mind, that phrase that was taught to me from the mega church I once worked at rings in my ears, ACT LIKE YOU’VE BEEN THERE. I’m not a great actor. And I’m not a great liar either.

Today was proof of that. I met with two really great leaders who, through a series of simple questions, made me recognize the leadership diapers I was still wearing. Humbling? Yes. Unwanted? No. Embarrassed as I was I knew that I needed the questions because they made me realize something I already knew–I am not a perfect leader. I only wish I could find out where their shortfalls lie. Then I will be asking the questions.

Tags: Thoughts

Treating Others Like Apple Computer

I got Snow Leopard today for the many Macs in my life (family pack $49). The iMac that Karla uses loaded it without a hitch, but the MacBook I use had a minor issue with connecting to the internet. No big deal.

What was a big deal was the technical support I received from Apple. My helper, Isaac, made me feel calm, knowledgeable and optimistic about the results. I was so at ease that I believe Isaac and I are now friends. This was my first Mac issue EVER, so I went away feeling like this is one more reason in a million to use Apple products.

I want to use this as a way to treat others in my life. In the book Leadership and Self Deception the author lets the reader know that we tend to think only of ourself and how we can get the results we want, but by looking for the results that others want we actually are more effective. I saw this today. By something as simple as using my name repetitively, letting me know what the next steps would be, and making me feel like we were accomplishing the task together, Apple made me a lifetime member. It is that simple.

What if neighbors, business, and especially churches used the methods of Apple support? I think we would be much more effective than we are today at making people feel like they matter, and that they can overcome any obstacle. Thanks again, Mac.

Tags: Thoughts

Hills to Die On

Cross at Wounded Knee

Originally uploaded by WDM Barkers

This summer I went to Wounded Knee in SD as part of a prayer trip for our Rosebud missions trip. It was powerful because it was so understated. Since the reservation itself must budget the site, it doesn’t have much to offer. But that said a lot me .

I have been thinking about this place because I have been thinking about hills you die on and hills you don’t. The people of Wounded Knee did not expect to die that day. They were slaughtered. Yet, their sacrifice sent a message to the world on human rights, and this spot is considered sacred to American Indians everywhere.

There are hills that are worth dying on, and others that aren’t. There are issues in our lives that we make important that are actually silly. Meanwhile there are issues that are killing us that are unsuspecting. Important issues. What issues do you think are worth dying for?

Spiritual Authority

Recently I have been involved in many conversations about bad behavior. These conversations were from people who follow Christ and are involved in their local church. I’ve frequently wondered who their spiritual authority is. Who do they recognize as having the right to speak into their spiritual lives (which will influence the other aspects of their lives as well )?

I found that mostly they feel that the church they worship in does not have that right. People do not see their church as having the right to say, “Turn around, you are going the wrong way!” So the church is allowed to preach the truth on Sunday or teach it in a general seminar; but when it becomes a personal admonishment, this is not something that many people feel the church should be doing.

So, how does the everyday Jesus-follower receive spiritual input without submitting themselves to some form of spiritual authority? Of course, I recognize God’s Word as the supreme authority; however, we have come a long way from the early church’s approach to truly accountable community. If someone wants to divorce their spouse, they do so openly and without any push back. I tried to contact a “brother in Christ” to tell him to reconsider his divorce and was told “I am not talking to anyone until the divorce proceedings are underway in order to ensure that nothing is used against me in court.” If a church does insert itself unwanted into someone’s life, a simple drive down the road to the next church is a quick fix.

A former church attendee of a previous church I worked at was embarrassed that he had been confronted of some sexual immorality in his life. He left our church only to become a church leader of a church down the road. This destroys the reputation of the faith and hurts our ability to effectively minister.

As I continue to lead a church plant, I am amazed at the number of people who do not see the need for authoritative spiritual guidance in their lives. The weight of what this will do to the church of America presses heavily on my heart.

Spidey Senses

Spidey Senses

Originally uploaded by WDM Barkers

So, Seth turns 7 today. Hard to believe. He has been the source of joy and strife over the last seven years. I don’t know any little person with as much potential as Seth. He can do so much, more than even he knows. His latest endeavor is to try to complete Zelda on the Wii without really knowing how to read. He is in the second realm which seems impossible. He is on his third bike (which he got for his birthday this year) since he learned to ride without training wheels before his fourth birthday THREE YEARS AGO! Yikes.

I was thinking recently what it would be like to be the father of a super villain. I know everyone wants their sons to be super heroes, but what about the dads of Magneto, and Dr. Octopus? Deep down, I think those dads are still proud. “Hey, did you here about that big bank robbery in Metropolis,” they might say, “Yeah, it was my son. He’s the Riddler.” I think they are still proud. I know I am more proud today of my son than I have ever been. I hope that never fades. Happy Birthday Seth.

Tears of Joy and Sorrow

When is the last time you cried for a person? Not a TV show, or a stressful moment, but for an actual person. This last week I was in SD on a mission trip with Westwind Church. We were in the town of White River. As part of our trip we hosted a VBS program in a local church. It was standard: songs, skits, crafts, games, lesson. Just when you think that VBS is an old school method of evangelism, a young girl talks to one of the leaders and makes a personal decision to follow Christ. This is the method that we wanted to take since, if we were numbers oriented, we could have asked the kids to raise their hands to accept Christ and we would have had 100% of the kids raise their hands.

The response after her decision is what got me. She actually wept for her two sisters who could not be at the VBS club and wished that they could have been there to hear the message. We were blown away as a team as we were told this.

It got me thinking about my soul and it’s desire for people to know Christ. I am not sure I have wept in a long while over someone not being able to hear about Jesus, and what he did for them. It is easy to get cynical in ministry and roll your eyes at situations like this. We hear stories like this, it impassions me to clear my heart of anything that makes me sarcastic or cold to stories of God at work. I want to join this young girl in weeping for those who don’t know that Jesus is the savior of the world.

What’s your method?

Today in a staff meeting with Cornerstone Church we had a discussion about electronic communication to large church audiences. It brought up the issue of transparency, generation gaps, and relevance. It made me remember that I have a blog that I haven’t updated in a long time. I think it is because I wanted my blog to be more than it was intended to be. Blogs are just one means to communicate. And since I have tens of people who are interested in “following” me, I need to remember that blogs, like Twitter, Facebook, and other social networking tools are designed to communicate to a special niche of people. I thought it could be THE method. Silly me. So, for now I am back to blogging. But what is interesting (and I thank Todd Wallace for helping me with this thought) is that different communication methods can be used for differing depths of communication levels. General thoughts seem to be saved for Twitter. Like a t-shirt. Facebook is more like a small group circle. People know more about your life. Blogs seem to be the external thoughts of people who want to think “out loud” with the world. I need all those tools to communicate with the world around me. And to have them communicate with me. As long as I remember this, I think I should do a better job expressing myself and navigating the communication mall of the internet.

Tags: Thoughts

Sticky Church Conference

I just got back from St. John’s, IN where Suncrest Christian Church hosted the Sticky Church Conference. I had heard Larry Osborne speak at the Exponential Conference last year for church planters. I was very impressed with his pragmatic way of dealing with issues, so I was eager to read his new book, The Sticky Church. I was just as impressed with his writing style as I was his point-blank speaking style. This conference displays a deeper level to Osborne’s “you don’t have a lot of time to waste so let me get to the point” attitude. The conference was one day focusing primarily on Message, Small Groups, and Multi-site areas that affect the “Stickiness” of people to a church. You can get my notes HERE .

I went with a buddy from Cornerstone Church in Ames, Jacob. We talked about everything under the sun, even ministry. It was a great trip and I hope to implement some of what I learned at Westwind. For me, this is the only way to conference. I got a few ideas on a specific topic. I don’t need the week-long conferences that make me feel overwhelmed. I feel appropriately whelmed.