What I Learned in ‘09

Thinking back to 2009 I learned a lot about myself and my purpose on this planet. I would give 2009 a shrug if asked “How was your year?” I feel like there was so much more that could have been accomplished if I would have put the things I learned into action. Here are 4 things I learned that will hopefully stay with me in the new decade.

1. “If it is to be it is up to me“: I was told these are the 10 most important two letter words. As arrogant as it sounds, I think it is true. I learned this year that initiative is needed in life if I am to accomplish the goals I have set. I am not saying that I am the end all, but I am suggesting that too many people are sitting around waiting for something to happen to them, instead of making it happen. This was true of my life this year. I sat back hoping things would happen to me, when all the while I should have been the one making them happen.

2. “Pass the Ball“: If you watch sports, you hear announcers say all the time, “______(Insert Name)_____ is the guy you want with the ball with 3 seconds left in the game.” I always think about the others players on the team and how they feel about this. Since everyone knows the superstar is going to get the ball, why not pass it to someone else unexpected? I have been learning this over the last 18 months. As much as I need to make sure things are happening, I do not need to be the one doing it. There are so many hidden “superstars” in churches today. You just have to pass them the ball. And that is another thing. Why is the church looking for superstars anyway? I don’t see any superstars in the Bible, only ordinary men and women who were passed the ball and did something with it. Some even were passed the ball again after doing something great and were a colossal failure. So, I learned to start passing the ball more and getting it into the hands of other people. I have realized that there are a lot of people out there who can do something with it.

3. “I ain’t saying it’s easy, but they sure don’t make it look hard“: This is a tough lesson, one that is learned through the failures of others. I am on record as saying that most religious leaders I know are deceivers. They pretend to have so many talents and skills in tune, but they actually don’t. One of the key lessons I learned was that I need to let go of all my past church experiences and begin to create my own. I don’t need to think, “Well, my last church did it this way, or that way.” Instead my thoughts should be toward, “How would I like to do it in the context of my worshipping community?” This lesson will help be create new ways to meet the spiritual needs of my community and keep me from repeating the mistakes of the past.

All in all, 2009 was a year that I am glad to put in the past. I would like to focus on a new year and new opportunities. One of those opportunities is blogging more thanks to Will Mancini. We will see if it lasts.

Tags: Thoughts

Dream Come True

This weekend I am excited to live out a dream that I have had; being the director of a church production.  Now, before you get too excited, it is a small production in our small church (Westwind). Yet, I am still very excited about it.  I wrote it with Katie Chiaramonte. And it has a great cast of characters in it.  I may post the script after the production this weekend.

The reason I like directing it is because I love pulling out the potential of people.  We have a great cast and none of them are actors.  They are just regular church people.  It made be think of Paul’s words, “I become all things to all people so I might win some.” That is what we are doing this weekend; becoming actors, directors, tech directors, etc, so as to share Jesus with the Dallas County community. I am excited to see what this weekend will look like.

Critical Church Vernacular

As I think about the future church (or fuchurch), I am more compelled to take the vocabulary of the electronic age and apply it to our church setting. Here are two terms that every churches need to embrace.

Social Network

Facebook, Twittter, MySpace, or even Match.com all do one thing–connect people. It actually isn’t a new priciple, there have always people who used an interest to link them (ex. bowling leagues, bridge clubs). The reason it is so interesting now, and why churches need to put this in their vocabulary, is because social networking has become microcosmic! Now, instead of just having people in your church connected because they live in a certain city, you can have people in a deeper relationship because they are single moms who are back in school to get a degree as a dental hygienist, or couples who are having difficulties adopting a child from another country. Or people connected to your church who don’t even breach the walls.

Social networks, if anything, should help the church realize that Sunday School may not be the place to connect people. I wonder if the people in a Sunday School class, if given a laptop computer instead, would choose to “friend” the people they are in class with. Today’s church needs to understand that they have always been a social network , and that they need to “get small” in the way that they connect people. I call it “creating constellations”.

When you look at the stars in the sky, if you are like me, you almost always look for the Big Dipper. What is interesting is that those stars are not connected in any way, yet we draw lines in our minds to make out a water ladle. We do that with all of the constellations. We connect them. The same thing applies with people. Churches need to find the link to make constellations of its people. That can be small groups, softball teams, parents of Downs Syndrome groups, or Grandparent Harley gangs.

Open Source

Open Source refers to the idea that it is the collaboration of ideas of many people, not necessary the creators of the project. You can see this in Wordpress, or Google Wave. It suggests that the project isn’t perfected, and invites others to put their “two cents worth” of attention to it. Churches would be wise to learn this as they seek to be relevant to the next generation of Jesus followers. Instead of 40-Days of Purpose and other national campaigns that re designed to “help” church know what to do next, what if churches just set a goal in an important spiritual area (i.e. evangelism), and open sourced it to the congregation? How much money would be put to actual ministry instead of marketing methods to get your people “on board” (ok, I am done with quotations).

Someone who understands that open source is the way to effectively meet needs is Pastor Gary Marzolf of Newton, IA who handed his church attendees $100 bills and had them create a scenario to help others. The people open sourced their own ideas as to how to effectively use this money. You can see the video here. This is what more churches need to be doing, whether is is though serving the community, or even making the messages of the pastor better. At Westwind Church, the messages are not solely created by the person presenting, but by a team of church leaders. This allows for multiple views to be considered of the same passage. Churches that are daring enough to let others speak into their development will have layers of richness.

More terms on the way.

New Bible from NLT

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I Hate To Say It

I hate to say it, but I am a loser. The Cubs are losers and I like the Cubs, therefore I am a loser.

I hate to say it, but maybe Leno may be around a while longer.

I hate to say it, but I actually counseled a guy on facebook’s IM who had marriage problems.

I hate to say it, but I may actually be fat, and not a thin guy in a fat suit.

I hate to say it, but my daughter is acting more and more like a teenager.

I hate to say it, but the Dallas Cowboy stadium really does rock!

I hate to say it, but church planting is much harder than I had anticipated.

I hate to say it, but I am becoming more and more like “them” and less like “us” every day.

I hate to say it, but I don’t think I will be getting an iPhone anytime soon.

Tags: Thoughts

Softball Widow

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Originally uploaded by WDM Barkers

So, if you don’t know my gal, Karla, she is a tough German woman who is rugged and sassy. She also is a huge softball player. She played in high school, and on various church and company teams. This season she is playing first base for Westwind’s team.

I do not play softball, however. It is not that I can’t. In fact, I love playing softball. It is that I can’t keep my mouth shut to the umpire. And, since Westwind is still trying to get off the ground, I feel it really matters if the pastor of the new church in town is bumping bellies with the umpire in the co-ed rec league. So, I sit in the stands, and speak out my dissatisfaction to the bad calls from there.

As I sit in the bleachers I am always joined by young wives or girlfriends of members of both teams. Other husbands/boyfriends seem to either 1) be on the team or 2) have something better to do. So, I am the only male in the stands. This can be awkward as conversions turn toward sales at Kohls or when a new mom decides that they should start nursing their kid between innings. For the most part I keep my eyes and mind forward to the game, cheering on my gal, or chastising the ump.

There is a sense of sacrificed masculinity as I think about what I do on those Tuesday nights. What would Marlboro Man or Don Draper think about my role as a softball widow? I even bring the drink cooler for after the game like some supportive mom. Is there a payoff to such behavior? Oh, the things a man will do to see his wife in tight baseball pants.

Pastors are Liars

When planting a church it doesn’t take long to realize that you don’t exactly know how to do everything. Over the past year and a half I come come to realization about something that was hidden from most church goers—pastors are excellent liars. Now, when I say that a pastor is a liar, it is 1) because I mean it and 2) unintentional, perhaps on their part. Let me explain.

When you plant a church you have to be proficient in so many areas: Bible study, computer programming, counseling, writing, leadership development, church history, conflict resolution, staff development, human resources and finance to name a few. I have found out quickly that I am not as good as I would like to be in these areas, and know no one who is. However, most churches expect their pastors be good, if not great, in all these areas. It is humbling and frustrating all at the same time. I can see how most vocational church leaders blow up in some manner.

So how does a pastor “slough” their way out of this? They try to appear like they do have a handle on all these areas. Which is deceptive, hence, makes them liars. I am in no means above this, but I am trying a new approach.

When asked to do something that is outside my experience or expertise I have been trying to say, “I am not going to lie to you, I am not very good at this,” or “This may be outside of my leadership level.” This gets some weird looks. And sometimes, in the back of my mind, that phrase that was taught to me from the mega church I once worked at rings in my ears, ACT LIKE YOU’VE BEEN THERE. I’m not a great actor. And I’m not a great liar either.

Today was proof of that. I met with two really great leaders who, through a series of simple questions, made me recognize the leadership diapers I was still wearing. Humbling? Yes. Unwanted? No. Embarrassed as I was I knew that I needed the questions because they made me realize something I already knew–I am not a perfect leader. I only wish I could find out where their shortfalls lie. Then I will be asking the questions.

Tags: Thoughts

Treating Others Like Apple Computer

I got Snow Leopard today for the many Macs in my life (family pack $49). The iMac that Karla uses loaded it without a hitch, but the MacBook I use had a minor issue with connecting to the internet. No big deal.

What was a big deal was the technical support I received from Apple. My helper, Isaac, made me feel calm, knowledgeable and optimistic about the results. I was so at ease that I believe Isaac and I are now friends. This was my first Mac issue EVER, so I went away feeling like this is one more reason in a million to use Apple products.

I want to use this as a way to treat others in my life. In the book Leadership and Self Deception the author lets the reader know that we tend to think only of ourself and how we can get the results we want, but by looking for the results that others want we actually are more effective. I saw this today. By something as simple as using my name repetitively, letting me know what the next steps would be, and making me feel like we were accomplishing the task together, Apple made me a lifetime member. It is that simple.

What if neighbors, business, and especially churches used the methods of Apple support? I think we would be much more effective than we are today at making people feel like they matter, and that they can overcome any obstacle. Thanks again, Mac.

Tags: Thoughts